When it comes to forgiveness, what’s your style? Are some things unforgiveable?

What’s your style of forgiveness?

How easily can you forgive and forget?

When it comes to forgiving others, are you sweet, kind and understanding with lots of shades of grey?  Do you give the perpetrator more chances than Ashley Cole?  Urrrrm, I’m not counting, but he’s had quite a few.

Or are you black and white about forgiveness like Kelly Rowland on X Factor ?  At the first sign of hurting, suspicion or disrespect, you cut people out, so they can’t have you over again?

Maybe it’s written in your stars?  I’m an Aquarius so apparently that means I tend to blame myself.  Mmmm no comment! 🙂

Nobody likes to feel as if they have been had over

Explosive emotions like rage, humiliation, anger, hurt and revenge erupt and no matter what you do, it can feel as if they will never stop.  When somebody hurts you, pushes your buttons, invades your boundaries, or compromises your values,  it can take a lot of energy and time to forgive.

What is forgiveness?

Louise L Hay, bestselling author of ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ describes forgiveness as ‘an act that takes place in our own mind.’  She says

‘Forgiveness is not about the other person.’ 

Louise quite rightly points out ‘When we blame another, we give our power away because we’re placing the responsibility for our feelings on someone else.  People in our lives may behave in ways that trigger uncomfortable responses in us. However, they didn’t get into our minds and create the buttons that have been pushed.  Taking responsibility for our own feelings and reactions is mastering our “ability to respond.” In other words, we learn to consciously choose rather than simply react.’

Can you grab back your responsibility and let got of the victim mentality?

Are you, in true Bridget Jones-stylee, pumping out tunes from your iPod like ‘Because of You’ by Kelly Clakson or ‘I hate you so much right now’ by Kelis?   Feeling sorry for yourself and wishing it wasn’t happening to you.  I’ve been there.  We’ve all felt sorry for ourselves from time to time.  Especially when we have been wronged.  It’s justified.  They are a ‘F******** bleep bleep bleep’ and they are out of order.  Yes we know they are 🙂  They really are.

Roar like a lion!  Be empowered, have a voice.

Don’t be afraid of your power.  At all times you can speak up – some people may not listen, however you can state assertively that you are no longer willing to be treated in this way and it’s not happening on your watch.  Then leave.  Then go and set them free.  Set yourself free from having that kind of grief in your life.

Outright evil = somethings are unforgiveable?

When somebody breaks the law and it involves you, it is also an offense against society and the civil moral rights which govern it. Go through the correct channels to get it sorted. If the person has to deal with the consequences of their actions, they get the opportunity to free themselves from their selfish and immoral behaviour.  Take appropriate action and leave it to the experts.

Unfortunately, you can’t rid the world of toxic people who trample all over you , lie, cheat or zap you of your energy.   All you can do is choose how you respond to them.

What happens when we don’t forgive?

When forgiveness takes place, you naturally release the disturbing thoughts and emotions that drain your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being.  When you hold on to them, they damage you.  Not the perpetrator, but you.

When it comes to forgiveness, what’s your style?

Do you have shades of grey or are you very black and white?  Would love to hear your comments below.

Image credits © http://www.sxc.hu/


  1. I don’t think as forgiving or not as a style but as a moral decision. I know what I’d like to write that I do but I haven’t evolved into an angel yet.

    • Ladies, I’m no Mother Teresa either. Sarah you are right, inwardly seething only hurts you and makes you feel bad but sometimes it is hard to forgive and forget. I even struggle sometimes to let it go and surrender. Then I ask myself what am I getting out of holding onto it?

  2. I have a heard time forgiving certain things – hurt my family and I will never forgive you.
    sometimes I have outwardly forgiven things but inwardly seethed – which is not healthy. I try to teach my daughters how to forgive and boy it’s tough! They clearly take after their mother…

    @Lisa A, I haven’t evolved either it would seem!
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  3. This was interesting and quite timely for me, as I’ve been involved in an ongoing “dispute” with someone for many years – within my hobby. I’ve made numerous attempts at reconciliation but the unpleasantness has continued and other people have been drawn into it., but it seems that things are finally coming to a conclusion. I’d say I’m “shades of grey” rather than “black and white” when it comes to forgiveness…..
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  4. Forgiving has a lot to do with processing; processing the events, the feelings of hurt and anger, the way forward, and that takes time. I couldn’t switch the button and forgive. I try to ‘melt’ my buttons and that way I get hurt less. Sometimes it really hurts, but it usually doesn’t last that long anymore. Yippie! I have moved on! However, there are still people I find difficult to forgive…….. No angel status for me then…… I can live with that!
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  5. I have always found forgiving people relatively easy compared to some people I know. But in one particular area of my life, at least, forgiveness also meant not learning lessons. It involved to too great an extent wiping the slate clean. This allowed the person concerned to keep doing wrong. Maybe there is something in the teaching that there can not be forgiveness without genuine contrition.
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    • Thanks for your comment Guy. Some situations are particularly tough especially when you have been hurt badly. When I care about somebody, I want to see the good in them and believe that it was a one off. When they keep hurting me though, it’s time to pull the plug! I hope you are free of this situation and person now.

  6. Felicity says:

    Tricky one. My heart says one thing and my head something completely different. Some forgivness comes quickly, others are slow burning and ultimately it is those ones that harm and hurt me the most….it helps knowing that if I let go and forgive then my well being is boosted……though sometimes it comes back to haunt. Definitely a learned skill this forgivness business.

    • I agree Felicity it’s not easy to forgive people when they hurt you and those feelings need to be processed, made sense of and learnt from. I think it helps to think ‘Are you punishing them or hurting them if you remain angry, resentful and upset? Does it affect them?’ They say the best revenge is to live a happy life.

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