Is there too much pressure on parents to know everything and be everything to their children?

  • Your child is being bullied at school or finding it hard to make friends
  • Your child is worrying about something and over thinking to the point they cannot sleep at night
  • Your child is fearful in new situations, is scared of the dark, wants you with them all the time
  • Your child is experiencing change at home: perhaps you are moving house or there has been a bereavement in the family
  • Your child has learning difficulties, is feeling defeated by homework or is feeling inadequate at school

You reach out to your child and try all different sorts of ways to make it better for them.  You may even start worrying yourself (which they could pick up on).  You talk to friends and family and feel a bit lost.  You want to make it right for them.  Your one wish is to see them happy.
They don’t seem to hear you.  The emotional connection between the two of you feels distant.  They come home from school and tell you something so-and-so’s Mum has been talking about (it’s the same thing you’ve been saying for months)…………ouch!

Does it make you feel guilty as a parent if you can’t put it right?

This morning the Daily Mail published a very positive article about the benefits of child coaching and how having an outsider, like a Child Coach can help solve childhood hiccups and make growing up that little bit easier.  I was of course delighted with the Daily Mail coverage which promotes the very thing I love most:  Life coaching for children.  My passion.  Something I’m lucky enough to do.  Something that doesn’t feel like work 🙂

I personally think there is nothing wrong with getting support and help when you need it.  If your car broke down, you would probably take it to the garage to get it fixed.  So if there is something in your family life that seems to be off kilter, why wouldn’t you hire a Child Coach?  It’s a very British cultural mentality to keep a stiff upper lip and battle on regardless.

Of course, there was a little backlash from Daily Mail readers about how parents were not doing a good job which saddened me greatly.  I also wondered if the people writing such comments were parents themselves.  I personally think that being a parent is tough (I’m not one) and I see lots of parents trying so hard to get it right for their kids.

You can’t be all things to all people. That also includes your child

So if you are feeling guilty because you can’t be all things to your child and you can’t answer all their questions, don’t.  Stop right now and realise that everything you do for your child is with love.  The intention is what matters the most.  Also have a quiet word with yourself that you are setting the bar very high if you have that expectation of yourself.  How could you possibly know everything?  You are still learning all the time.  I always think, for me, every day is a school day.

There is a very unrealistic expectation or a job description (possibly dreamed up by a man!) that all Mums are excellent home makers, domestic goddesses, laundrettes, trouble shooters, DIY experts, toy fixers, play friends, organisers, PAs, cleaners, sewers, cooks, shoppers, agony aunts, hairdresser, painters, bakers, big huggers, story tellers, taxi drivers, ironers, homework helpers, fetchers and carriers.  Need I go on?  I know some Mums that have a jolly good stab at all of them.  Realistically, would you want to run yourself ragged wearing your underpants outside your trousers like Super Mum?  What about your life?  Mums lose so much of their identity bending over backwards for their families.

Is coaching over-parenting?

With expressions like Pushy Parents or Helicopter parent,being bandied about, there is a school of thought that says if we over- parent our children, then we are not allowing them to learn from their own mistakes.  To impatiently rush in, to protect them or to stand in the way of their challenges will in deed stop them from learning and growing.   Your child could also become dependent on you and become less motivated if you are doing everything for them.  Some parents do this out of their own need to be needed (this is not a conscious behaviour) and this is damaging to a child’s development.

Give your children roots and wings

Coaching does not think, do or find answers for a child.  Quite the opposite: it guides, challenges and provides a safe place for children to explore life’s challenges.  As well as reflecting and talking about who we are and what we want to change, it also teaches some simple and effective life coaching techniques such as positive thinking, goal setting, affirmations and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

Some Daily Mail readers also thought that coaching was therapy.  Of course, it is not and you can read more about what to expect from coaching here.

The way I see it, parents give their children roots – consistency, clarity, love, values, solid foundations for them to grow. Life’experience, influences like school, family, friends and now life coaching for children will reinforce what they have already learnt and give them wings to soar high.

You can find out more about 1-2-1 Child Coaching by exploring my website or by getting in touch.  For a free confidential and friendly chat about your child, please call me on 07810 540242

 

Image credits © with thanks to www.studio49photography.com and http://www.sxc.hu

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